Becoming new parents, whether for the first, second, third time or beyond, can bring about many unique challenges and difficulties, as well as moments of joy, immense love and snuggles. Having a great support system in place helps to alleviate any growing pains the new family may encounter.
Most new parents are well aware of the changes coming. They receive well-meaning advice from people around them, about relaxing as a family and taking the time to acclimatize to their new surroundings. However, sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to ask for help. Particularly when you're feeling so vulnerable and emotional through this new beginning. As well, sometimes the help offered isn't what is really wanted or needed. These 10 tips are for friends and family who want to help support these new parents as they adjust to their new life dynamics. 1. CLEANING Although the gift of cleaning services is thoughtful and generous, having a stranger in the home, while the new family is focused on sleep, feeding and bonding, can be an uncomfortable and unwelcome intrusion. Instead, offer to come and visit with parents and the new babe when they're feeling comfortable and ready for company. While there, offer to do some tasks around the house, or if you're like me, just roll up your sleeves and get to work. Your efforts, whether big or small, will make a world of difference to the family. Alternatively, offer to care for the baby while the parents complete some tasks themselves, as may be their preference. 2. COOKING Some mamas and papas plan ahead and their freezer is full of delicious dinners and such. Others might feel they can handle their usual routine tasks (such as a family dinner) without any difficulty. Regardless, more food and preparation will always be warmly appreciated. Offer to cook the family dinner while they bond. Deliver some easy to prepare meals for the fridge or freezer; crock pot recipes are straightforward and require no work at all. Or even arriving for a visit with a warm dish in hand makes a world of difference in the early days after birth. Particularly muffins. Who doesn't love fresh made muffins?! 3. SHOPPING "Hey, I'm at Costco - what do you need?" Those words could make a world of difference to a new family who isn't yet up to exploring the outside world. Whether they're out of bread, need TP, or are dying for coffee, your offer to help will take a load off an already busy plate. It's also an option to pick up an entire grocery list from the family, to help them complete their shopping. Heck, in this day and age, you can get online and order all your groceries from there; paying a small premium for picking/pulling and/or delivery of the order. There are a number of delivery services available through a simple google search. ONLINE TIPS: -Pick an early morning time slot to ensure you're receiving the freshest quality of produce etc. -By enabling 'allow substitutions' you increase the odds of not missing any essential items in your cart. You'll have the option to reject replacements upon pick up (Superstore). 4. PHOTOS Although getting new photos for baby is often high on the priority list for parents, sometimes, depending on the family or the type of birth, self-care and rest are required longer than expected. If you have a decent camera and are blessed with visiting the new babe and family, take photos! Getting those photos printed and then given at a subsequent visit is a beautiful way to help capture their moments amid sleep, feedings, rest, and more sleep. They will forever be cherished. 5. OFFER SELF-CARE Self-care for new parents can mean so many different things; massage, a baby-free evening, time to shower, an afternoon to nap, a new book for light reading, food, time away.... the list is endless. Help support the family by gifting a massage certificate or offering your childcare services so mom and dad can have a dinner out. Even a visit to an isolated mama, or time for the parents to enjoy some uninterrupted sleep or showering can make a profound difference during the postpartum period. 6. OTHER CHILDREN If this is not the first baby, take the other kids under your wing for a day. A movie, arcade, the park, the beach or the amusement park are just a few options. Two birds, one stone here; not only do the kids get an amazing day out with a friend/family member, but the parents get some solo time with the new baby for bonding and... you guessed it....more sleep. 7. USE YOUR EARS A steady sounding board and a listening ear can be the most comforting thing to someone navigating such a life change. Perhaps the mama needs to release her birth story to process her internal thoughts and feelings. Or maybe papa needs to vent about the lack of sleep or 3 A.M. feedings. Although most of these events may have been expected, it does little to lessen the impact of sleepless nights, postpartum recovery, stress etc. By allowing them a safe space to talk, vent, rant, reminisce, remember etc, you allow them to better understand their own circumstances, process their emotions and move forward with lighter shoulders. Words of advice - don't offer advice unless expressly requested and don't make the talk about you. Validate feelings. Listen. Support. Encourage. 8. SPAN THE DISTANCE Friends and family live in far off places and not everyone has the ability to travel. By dropping a handwritten letter in the mail, a card of welcome and congratulations, or even sending a goody package for the family, you can erase the kilometers between the two of you, in no time. Receiving a letter/parcel via snail mail is a rare and cherished event, so don't just pop off a Facebook reply of congratulations; make an effort to treasure your relationship and make an impact on the new family's first weeks. 9. KEEP IT COMING! Don't just stop with one task! We all have our own lives, responsibilities etc., but the new family needs continuous love and support as they continue to adapt to their new baby. Even if you can't offer your time or attention frequently, helping to set up a schedule for others to help will take a load of off their mind - I promise. Co-ordinate with other friends or family to create a regular schedule of visitors, food delivery, house tasks etc. Make sure that you check in with the family to determine the frequency of guests, and ensure that each guest double-check with the family prior to the scheduled visit. Some days, you just wanna lounge in pj's covered in spit-up, devour goodies, binge on Netflix, and nap. 10. KNOW WHEN TO GTFO Your love and support, during the postpartum period, will make a world of difference in your friend's world. However, don't overdo it. Knowing when to gracefully bow out and say your goodbyes, is a much appreciated social skill (don't wear out your welcome?). As grateful and appreciative as your friends will be, they also still require rest, relaxation and sleep. Visiting helps. So does leaving. BONUS #11. HIRE A POSTPARTUM DOULA / SUPPORT Hire a family-approved postpartum doula or support professional for your friend/family. These individuals are knowledgeable and experienced in providing support for new babies and their families. They can provide breastfeeding/lactation help, childcare, household help and can answer questions/concerns about dealing with the new baby. They can also provide quality care and attention, when other family members and friends have priorities that don't allow them to be involved. These suggestions come from personal experience and previous clients. But there's a million different ways to love, support and help during a new birth transition in a family. Each family and individual might require completely different supports. Use your judgement. Use your heart. And when in doubt, just ask. Even if your offers are politely declined, it is very much the thought that counts. Happy birthing!
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AuthorRebel Mama. Free Spirit. Vulgar Dame. Adventurer. Wolf Queen. Outlaw. Archives
October 2016
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