Bonding can be a challenge for new moms and dads and for a wide variety of reasons. Mom might have a history of trauma or may be navigating a mental health condition such as postpartum anxiety or depression. Dad might be busy with his work or may feel he "doesn't have a role" when mom is exclusively breastfeeding. Even baby might be born premature and/or medically fragile and require some time spent away from their parents in NICU. However, forming close attachements and bonding is so important for baby, parents and even siblings!
Dr. Steinfeld is a developmental and behavioral pediatrician at UC Davis Medical Center and UC Davis Children's Hospital in Sacramento. She states, "A normal, full-term baby is also programmed to initiate and enter into a bonding relationship. Crying and making other noises, smiling, searching for the breast, and seeking eye contact give cues for a caring adult to respond. When a caregiver consistently responds to an infant’s needs, a trusting relationship and lifelong attachment develops. This sets the stage for the growing child to enter healthy relationships with other people throughout life and to appropriately experience and express a full range of emotions." Just as the reasons for bonding challenges vary, so do the suggestions for cultivating a bonding relationship. Try them out, discuss with your partner and even get the older siblings involved; actively encouraging a healthy bond is in everyone's best interest. Read on for ideas on overcoming bonding challenges and how you are empowered and can positively influence building your familial ties. ❤️ SNUGGLE, SNUGGLE & MORE SNUGGLES Anyone can hold baby close. Rocking, cuddling, cooing, singing, and lots of eye contact are all ways you can physically bond with baby. Enjoy every moment - they go by fast. And the natural release of oxytocin (the "Love" hormone) in response to cuddling increases an overall feeling of good and social bonding. ❤️ BREASTFEED This is probably the simplest way for mama and baby to bond. It isn't always an option for some mamas, but if you're able, breastfeed as frequently and as long as possible. Breastmilk gives baby the best boost possible for their growth and immunity - human milk has been shown to help baby fight bacterial, viral and parasitic infections such as common colds and flus, respiratory tract infections, infant diarrhea and more. Breastmilk's nutritional makeup actually changes to accomodate baby's needs as they grow. So hold baby close and feed away - even dad or siblings can get involved with bottlefeeding (suggested after 6 weeks when baby's feeding is established)! ❤️ BABYWEARING Not only is baby kept warm, cozy and loved, but baby also has an amazing new view of the world. Whether they eyeball the environment around them or catch some much needed zzz's, baby will be with mom or dad, content and safe. There are many different types of carriers from slings to wraps and everything in between. Check out Babes in Arms or Babywearing Calgary for more information! ❤️LEARN YOUR BABY'S LANGUAGE Babies do have distinctive cries - it's the only way they're able to effectively communicate their needs to their parents! Take the time to listen to your baby. Eventually, you'll be able to differentiate between an "I'm hungry now" cry vs. a "my diaper is fully loaded and dangerous" cry. By responding to your baby's needs, you're teaching them that the world is actually a safe place and that they're secure. In the day-to-day responsibilities in caring for a newborn, a bond can be strengthened. ❤️ SPOIL THAT BABY WITH SKIN-TO-SKIN TIME Published in Pediatrics, a twenty-year study followed preemies and low-birth weight babes and their mothers who utilized the Kangaroo Mother Care method. The babies that were given skin contact had higher IQs, larger areas of gray matter in their brains, and even did better financially in their careers than those who were not. The babies also showed lower chances of hyperactivity and aggression issues. You cannot ever spoil a baby; skin-to-skin has actually been shown to have positive effects on baby for weeks after, including their contentment and their ability to feed well. It also reduces their experience of pain, general discomfort and fussiness. ❤️ SELF CARE I cannot stress this one enough. You cannot take care of baby without first taking care of yourself too. Take long hot showers, ask for assistance, eat healthy foods to nourish body and soul, read a book, sleep, paint your nails; do whatever is going to bring you peace, happiness, stress relief or any combination of. When you're feeling optimal, you're able to focus and give 100% to your baby, to your family and, especially, to yourself. Some mothers don't have the supports in place that they need - please do reach out to someone, whether a care provider, your doula, a friend or a co-worker. A postpartum doula is someone who specializes in postpartum care and support. Jennifer Hammer of Sacred Nest Postpartum Doula is amazing and has come highly recommended. Check out her page here. ❤️ AND LASTLY, KNOW WHEN TO GET HELP Postpartum depression and anxiety are very real issues that can interfere with bonding. If you feel, at any point, that you're struggling, please do reach out to an appropriate health care professional. Bonding can take time to gel and a family can take time to adjust to new baby. As long as you're able to meet all of your baby's basic needs and cuddle as often as possible, requiring time to build on that bond is perfectly normal. But if you ever begin to feel less of an attachement or if you feel resentful in any way, please reach out to someone for further support and help. I am here and I am listening.
0 Comments
A Comrade Fallen, Never ForgottenWhen Carolyn awoke on the morning of July 17, 2006, it was like every other morning that summer. She happily went about her morning routine and prepared for work at a downtown daycare. She was 20 weeks and 2 days pregnant. “We were so excited! We met with a fertility consultant. She came in and taught us natural ways to get pregnant, such as tracking ovulation. Oh my god, we were so happy when we found out!”
The pregnancy, her first, had been a belated birthday gift; Carolyn and her husband, Steve, discovered the exciting news just a day past Carolyn’s birthday in March. And the cherry on top? It had been a perfectly uneventful pregnancy; all routine exams had gone accordingly and Carolyn didn’t have any of the more unpleasant signs of pregnancy, including morning sickness. That morning, Carolyn had her 20 week check-up with her OBGYN. She told him that she had been experiencing some unusual pressure and had a noticeable increase of discharge. Without examining her further, or asking any questions, he dismissed her concerns with, “It’s just an advancing pregnancy”. Feeling somewhat reassured, she left and went to work. At 4pm, off work, and heading home on public transit, Carolyn’s pressure worsened and cramping began. “I was having really bad cramps and I called my mother from my cell. She claimed I was having Braxton Hicks contractions. The woman sitting across from me was listening to me speak. When I got off the phone she told me she was 27 weeks pregnant and 20 weeks was too early to have Braxton Hicks”. Now feeling concerned, and in pain, Carolyn contacted her husband to meet her at the train stop. “The pain was so bad. I told him I felt this pressure to go to the bathroom. So we stopped at an A &W nearby and ran inside to use the bathroom. After performing a self-examination, I could feel something bulging. I knew something was wrong, so Steve called 911 and I sat on the curb, outside, waiting for the ambulance.” Things worsened when the ambulance arrived. “In the ambulance I was screaming so loud from the contractions. The stone-faced paramedic put in an IV and really didn't say much. She just asked how far along I was. I was taken to the Rockyview and to the maternity ward. There were 2 nurses, and one said to the other, “Oh, she is 4 cm.” I had no idea what that meant. I never knew what was coming.” They placed her into labour room one. Carolyn was later told that it’s the nicest of the rooms and they try to put all the women who will be suspected of losing their babies, in there. The room spun as Carolyn continued to deal with the cramping and pain with Steve by her side. “I don’t remember a lot. It was a blur of pain and emotion and confusion. I remember the nurse saying something about not being able to get a cerclage when 4cm dilated. This still wasn’t making any sense to me. And then the doctor appeared, and his words are the ones I will never, ever forget. He told me, without emotion, “You’re at the end of the road.” The hospital sent in a Chaplain to the room. Carolyn, although not a practicing Catholic, listened to the Chaplain explain that because he ‘didn’t know where he’d be when Savannah was born’, he anointed Carolyn’s mother to baptize the child, causing even more emotional pain and confusion. Feeling like she was not in her right mind, Carolyn began agreeing with everything suggested to her, to make it all pass as quickly as possible. Carolyn labored for over 12 hours. Savannah Brooke was born on July 18, 2006, weighing only a precious 9oz. She lived for approximately 10 seconds, outside the womb. The medical staff had told Carolyn and Steve that because of the gestational age, they would not attempt to resuscitate or transfer her to the NICU. They would do nothing. “It’s hard to describe the sounds she made. She didn’t cry. I thought she was gasping for air. I just looked at her as they transferred her to the heated infant bed. I wish so badly now, that I had held her as she left this world. I don’t know why I didn’t. I don’t know why I did or said most of what I did that morning.” Carolyn was so distraught, when the staff gave her nitrous oxide for the pain, Carolyn attempted to turn up the gas to full strength in a misguided effort to go with Savannah. “I had always thought of and been worried about an early miscarriage. Never, did I imagine, that anything would happy once I passed that 12 week mark. I thought I was safe. And when she left me, I really attempted to go with her that day.” Savannah’s premature birth was attributed to an incompetent cervix. As Carolyn had had a LEEP procedure and colposcopy performed a year prior, this explanation was another reason for her to feel guilty and blame herself for losing Savannah. “A social worker came and gave us a memory box from the infant loss support program. She also took pictures of her. She was so sweet. She was the only one that seemed to want to help. The doctor simply gave me Ativan, brochures on grieving, and sent me on my merry way.” The months after Savannah’s passing were dark and difficult. Carolyn struggled in coping and felt she had no one but Steve to rely on. “I had no support at all. I’ve never felt so isolated as when I lost her. I was put on Xanax. No one knew how to act around me.” Although Carolyn’s family made efforts to be involved and supportive, not all of them were able to do so. “One sister and both my parents insisted on meeting Savannah. They love her so much. They always buy things for her grave and just think of her. My oldest sister, however, was the queen of saying the worst things to say to a grieving mother. Things such as, “you can always have another”, “at least you weren't pregnant long enough to get attached to her”, and, “think of those parents who have to bury a child that actually lived.” It absolutely contributed to making things much worse.” Although she was given professional support, Carolyn didn’t find it helpful to her. “The infant loss program at Foothills is so far from me, and I found the therapist back then quite cold. There was a child loss support program at the old Children's Hospital. They didn't deal with infants. I recently had a therapist at South Health Campus for a time, until she decided that she didn't know how to adequately help a PTSD-diagnosed patient. So I gave up. There is not enough support in this city for infant loss. One small program in the north is not enough and I had not heard of a loss doula before. I even wish there was a separate area to give birth in cases like this. In all the other birthing rooms you hear healthy babies crying, while your room is silent.” When asked how she’s coping now, ten years later, Carolyn said, “I've been diagnosed officially with PTSD. I find I can work in a funeral home and preach about not feeling guilty, moving forward, coping, etc. but I take none of my own advice. There is so much guilt and self-hate. Ten years later, if you ask me what should have happened, I would say it should have been my life taken and hers spared. I still struggle with survivor’s guilt. I don't believe I deserved to live while she suffocated. I was supposed to protect her, I failed.” But ten years later, there have been many beautiful things to happen in Carolyn’s life too. Her sons, Jack Stephen Joaquin and Joshua van Leslie, were both born healthy and perfect. Based on her experience with Savannah, she was given a cerclage with both pregnancies at the 14-15 week mark. Although Jack came at 37 weeks, after the cerclage ripped at 35 weeks, with Josh, the cerclage had to be cut out prior to his birth. She’s also used her loss to fuel her passion for her career as a funeral director and embalmer. “Our (male) Funeral Director was the best support through the whole experience. He found someone to sew her a tiny bonnet and dress. He tried to cover every autopsy scar. He actually cared. This wasn't a job. He actually cared. I found him a few years ago and was able to thank him. Because of him, I’ve found my calling and am able to honour Savannah with every family I support.” I asked Carolyn how she wanted to end this article; what final words could adequately sum up her loss, her heartache and her experience. She didn’t hesitate to tell me. "I met a new angel mommy last year at the cemetery. She was at her twins grave, crying. They are one row over from Savannah. Being in the funeral home industry, with what seems to be so many babies lost at 20 weeks, I (apparently), have all the right things to say. I've told her that time does not heal all wounds, it simply teaches us how to cope, and to always be kind and gentle with yourself. Never feel guilty for finding enjoyment in things after a loss. It's not moving on. I never moved on. I chose to move forward and to take Savannah with me. Forever and always, my little Comrade.” Carolyn is a 33-year- old mother of three children; two growing sons, Jack Stephen Joaquin and Joshua van Leslie, and an angel daughter, Savannah Brooke. She lives in Silverado, in Calgary, with her husband, Steve, her sons, and her two wonderful furbabies, Sadie and Phoenix. Becoming new parents, whether for the first, second, third time or beyond, can bring about many unique challenges and difficulties, as well as moments of joy, immense love and snuggles. Having a great support system in place helps to alleviate any growing pains the new family may encounter.
Most new parents are well aware of the changes coming. They receive well-meaning advice from people around them, about relaxing as a family and taking the time to acclimatize to their new surroundings. However, sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to ask for help. Particularly when you're feeling so vulnerable and emotional through this new beginning. As well, sometimes the help offered isn't what is really wanted or needed. These 10 tips are for friends and family who want to help support these new parents as they adjust to their new life dynamics. 1. CLEANING Although the gift of cleaning services is thoughtful and generous, having a stranger in the home, while the new family is focused on sleep, feeding and bonding, can be an uncomfortable and unwelcome intrusion. Instead, offer to come and visit with parents and the new babe when they're feeling comfortable and ready for company. While there, offer to do some tasks around the house, or if you're like me, just roll up your sleeves and get to work. Your efforts, whether big or small, will make a world of difference to the family. Alternatively, offer to care for the baby while the parents complete some tasks themselves, as may be their preference. 2. COOKING Some mamas and papas plan ahead and their freezer is full of delicious dinners and such. Others might feel they can handle their usual routine tasks (such as a family dinner) without any difficulty. Regardless, more food and preparation will always be warmly appreciated. Offer to cook the family dinner while they bond. Deliver some easy to prepare meals for the fridge or freezer; crock pot recipes are straightforward and require no work at all. Or even arriving for a visit with a warm dish in hand makes a world of difference in the early days after birth. Particularly muffins. Who doesn't love fresh made muffins?! 3. SHOPPING "Hey, I'm at Costco - what do you need?" Those words could make a world of difference to a new family who isn't yet up to exploring the outside world. Whether they're out of bread, need TP, or are dying for coffee, your offer to help will take a load off an already busy plate. It's also an option to pick up an entire grocery list from the family, to help them complete their shopping. Heck, in this day and age, you can get online and order all your groceries from there; paying a small premium for picking/pulling and/or delivery of the order. There are a number of delivery services available through a simple google search. ONLINE TIPS: -Pick an early morning time slot to ensure you're receiving the freshest quality of produce etc. -By enabling 'allow substitutions' you increase the odds of not missing any essential items in your cart. You'll have the option to reject replacements upon pick up (Superstore). 4. PHOTOS Although getting new photos for baby is often high on the priority list for parents, sometimes, depending on the family or the type of birth, self-care and rest are required longer than expected. If you have a decent camera and are blessed with visiting the new babe and family, take photos! Getting those photos printed and then given at a subsequent visit is a beautiful way to help capture their moments amid sleep, feedings, rest, and more sleep. They will forever be cherished. 5. OFFER SELF-CARE Self-care for new parents can mean so many different things; massage, a baby-free evening, time to shower, an afternoon to nap, a new book for light reading, food, time away.... the list is endless. Help support the family by gifting a massage certificate or offering your childcare services so mom and dad can have a dinner out. Even a visit to an isolated mama, or time for the parents to enjoy some uninterrupted sleep or showering can make a profound difference during the postpartum period. 6. OTHER CHILDREN If this is not the first baby, take the other kids under your wing for a day. A movie, arcade, the park, the beach or the amusement park are just a few options. Two birds, one stone here; not only do the kids get an amazing day out with a friend/family member, but the parents get some solo time with the new baby for bonding and... you guessed it....more sleep. 7. USE YOUR EARS A steady sounding board and a listening ear can be the most comforting thing to someone navigating such a life change. Perhaps the mama needs to release her birth story to process her internal thoughts and feelings. Or maybe papa needs to vent about the lack of sleep or 3 A.M. feedings. Although most of these events may have been expected, it does little to lessen the impact of sleepless nights, postpartum recovery, stress etc. By allowing them a safe space to talk, vent, rant, reminisce, remember etc, you allow them to better understand their own circumstances, process their emotions and move forward with lighter shoulders. Words of advice - don't offer advice unless expressly requested and don't make the talk about you. Validate feelings. Listen. Support. Encourage. 8. SPAN THE DISTANCE Friends and family live in far off places and not everyone has the ability to travel. By dropping a handwritten letter in the mail, a card of welcome and congratulations, or even sending a goody package for the family, you can erase the kilometers between the two of you, in no time. Receiving a letter/parcel via snail mail is a rare and cherished event, so don't just pop off a Facebook reply of congratulations; make an effort to treasure your relationship and make an impact on the new family's first weeks. 9. KEEP IT COMING! Don't just stop with one task! We all have our own lives, responsibilities etc., but the new family needs continuous love and support as they continue to adapt to their new baby. Even if you can't offer your time or attention frequently, helping to set up a schedule for others to help will take a load of off their mind - I promise. Co-ordinate with other friends or family to create a regular schedule of visitors, food delivery, house tasks etc. Make sure that you check in with the family to determine the frequency of guests, and ensure that each guest double-check with the family prior to the scheduled visit. Some days, you just wanna lounge in pj's covered in spit-up, devour goodies, binge on Netflix, and nap. 10. KNOW WHEN TO GTFO Your love and support, during the postpartum period, will make a world of difference in your friend's world. However, don't overdo it. Knowing when to gracefully bow out and say your goodbyes, is a much appreciated social skill (don't wear out your welcome?). As grateful and appreciative as your friends will be, they also still require rest, relaxation and sleep. Visiting helps. So does leaving. BONUS #11. HIRE A POSTPARTUM DOULA / SUPPORT Hire a family-approved postpartum doula or support professional for your friend/family. These individuals are knowledgeable and experienced in providing support for new babies and their families. They can provide breastfeeding/lactation help, childcare, household help and can answer questions/concerns about dealing with the new baby. They can also provide quality care and attention, when other family members and friends have priorities that don't allow them to be involved. These suggestions come from personal experience and previous clients. But there's a million different ways to love, support and help during a new birth transition in a family. Each family and individual might require completely different supports. Use your judgement. Use your heart. And when in doubt, just ask. Even if your offers are politely declined, it is very much the thought that counts. Happy birthing! Similar to the old adage, "the days are long but the years are short", pregnancy can pass in the blink of an eye. Here are 15 things to consider doing before baby makes an appearance earth-side. ❤️ Stay In Bed - Repeatedly Take advantage of being baby-free by sleeping in and then staying in! Have a Netflix marathon, breakfast in bed, partner massages, pregnancy sex, take-out and just breathe. ❤️Friend Time Take the time to visit with friends. Have lunch. Do a paint night at a local eatery or pub. Take in a chick flick (or horror!) with popcorn galore. Be present and invest time into that friendship bank. ❤️Rock On Take baby to their first rock (rap, country, etc) concert in utero! Enjoy yourself while swaying to the beat - baby will enjoy it too! Take precautions for your own ears; the amniotic fluid will protect baby's. ❤️Read (to baby) It's hard to find time to invest in reading, so take advantage! There are many amazing pregnancy related books out there, but any fiction would be a welcome mental escape and a great way to relax. If you're not a voracious reader, then use the time to find your favourite baby books and begin reading to baby. I suggest 'Oh, the PlacesYou'll Go' by Dr. Seuss or 'Where the Wild Things Are' by Maurice Sendak. ❤️Date Night with Mom What an amazing time to make a date with your mom. Enjoy being her child and having quality time before she becomes a grandparent. Because, let's face it, as much as your mother loves you, it's all about baby once they arrive! ❤️Spoil Yourself This is a time that screams for relaxation, pampering and rest. So make sure you go all out! Mani-pedis, prenatal massage, a spa day and an amazing meal are just a small sampling of the ways you can ensure that you're spoiled! ❤️Pregnancy Letter or Journal Write a letter or keep a pregnancy journal, whether for self-reflection and memory or for baby themselves. It's a wonderful way to commemorate the experience, to vent any negativity and to forever remember even the smallest details; the first movement felt, a dream or even your partner's hopes and fears. Every word will become a link to the past. ❤️Maternity/Labour Photos Whether done by yourself, your doula or another professional, remember to capture and document the pregnancy and the beautiful transformation of your body. Even if you're not generally a photo person, to see and remember how it felt to have life growing inside you is one life moment worth capturing! ❤️Plan a Getaway (aka Babymoon!) Take the time, with your partner, to escape life's day-to-day grind. Sure, travel with kids is possible, but it's certainly not the same as travelling without. Book massages. Do a gentle hike and have a picnic. Lay on a beach reading to your belly. However you choose to adventure, the important part is the adventure. ❤️Focus on the siblings If you have other children, now is the time to schedule some one-to-one quality plans before the arrival of the baby. Use the opportunity to talk about the expectations, hopes and fears your child may have. Fulfill their needs. Strengthen your bond. And possibly consider a prenatal class for the siblings (they exist!) to educate them on what to expect when you're expecting and how life will change when baby arrives. ❤️Romance On the Mind Before baby makes an entrance, focus your affections and time on your partner. Although you will certainly find time for date nights in the future, once baby comes, energy levels, baby's schedule, siblings and more could influence your ability to spend time together. Make your partnership a priority before you both happily make baby a priority. ❤️Tantilize Your Tastebuds While pregnant, make food important. If you weren't already, consult a nutritionist for personalized advice on the right foods to fit your schedule, preferences and to keep baby growing and healthy. Remember to make it fun! Consider colours, tastes and textures to fulfill those cravings! ❤️Take a Class Learning should be lifelong and can come in many forms. Use your pre-baby time to take in some new ideas/information and/or skills. Whether it's a prenatal education class, a cooking class or a prenatal yoga, invest your time back into yourself, your growth and your passions. ❤️Plan Your Postpartum Period Anything you can do now, to help make the transition to parenthood easier, should be on your radar! Make some freezer meals, plan the birth announcements, arrange for postpartum doula or family support, book a newborn photoshoot, finish the nursery, pre-wash baby clothing, blankets and other items. Every little bit done now will help make this change go smoothly. And lastly.... ❤️Hire a Birth Doula If you haven't already, invest in hiring a doula. We provide informational, physical and emotional support through pregnancy, labour and beyond. We help make partners look like the rockstars they are. We ensure your space is held; that you are supported and guided through this amazing new journey. Wishing you a well pregnancy and happy birthing! As a doula, one of my priorities is ensuring that mother and partner are fully aware of the choices available to them during pregnancy and labour. Everything from location and support people to positions and preparation. Informed choice is a must!
But, 'the best-laid plans o' mice an' men; oft go awry.' Life can most definitely be a fickle bitch, being both bountiful and generous, as well as dark and thieving. Often, when a birth doesn't go according to plan, it's possible that mama and/or partner will feel cheated, hurt, sad, angry or any combination of. I will stress this fact; YOU ARE NORMAL. Listed below are seven steps to consider while navigating this sensitive time. BE REAL This means being real with yourself, and others, about your true feelings. Yes, your baby arrived safely and their health is the overall important outcome, but bottling up any feelings of discontent, disappointment, anger etc, will only lead to larger problems down the line. By allowing self-reflection and putting your emotions and needs into words or actions, you allow yourself to progress, and you allow those around you to offer support and love in a way that best helps you. SHARE YOUR BIRTH STORY Talk to a trusted person in your life. Vent to a friend, relative, care provider. Allow yourself the freedom to remember details, explore how you felt and what you thought at different labour stages. Write, paint, draw, sing... Do what feels right to you. Studies have shown that by allowing yourself to recollect, review, and explain your experience, you enable yourself to better move past and lessen any feelings of anger, guilt or dissatisfaction. NO BLAME / NO SHAME Society and sanctimommies seem to place a lot of emphasis on what defines a "good" birth these days. And that's not counting the pressure of expectations we place upon ourselves. It's normal to feel disappointment or guilt at not being able to birth as you'd envisioned. But please, even if you don't feel it at first, know and repeat in your mind and heart, that there is no fault to be found. Sometimes life just goes sideways, and as much as we wish it weren't so, we're forced to acommodate or adjust. Lean on your birth supports, trust in your care provider, and most importantly, be gentle and love yourself. LOOK FOR THE SILVER LINING Almost every time a birth plan doesn't go accordingly, there's something that does go right. Focus your attention on the positive. Yes, you had a c-section, but immediate skin-to-skin was possible, and baby was able to begin breastfeeding and had a great latch. Yes, you consented to pain medications, but you also persevered through 27 hours of difficult labour and felt you needed rest - and that is more than okay. Yes, you ended up birthing at a hospital rather than home, but you still had your partner, doula and midwife at your side. Allowing yourself to look for and acknowledge all the beautiful things that went right, also helps you to reframe this experience from negative to positive. Always find the light. DO WHAT YOU NEED FOR YOU Be gentle and love yourself. Take long baths. Soak up baby snuggles. Spend the day in bed with baby and partner. Enjoy time with family. Do what you need to allow yourself to process and accept your birth. It's okay to say you don't want to talk about it. It's also okay to share your disappointment and regret. You can laugh, cry, scream or shout. You can just breathe. And most importantly, it's okay to let it go and move forward with love, when you're ready. ONLINE PEER SUPPORT Social media is an amazing tool. You can find a variety of informational and support groups right from the comfort of your spit-up stained pj's. Join a group just for moms. Connect with other parents who've experienced the same or similar events that you have. Or even just to vent. It's extremely easy, particularly in the early days after birth, to isolate. Don't be afraid to reach out to others for support, love or guidance as needed, and online groups are one way to discover that connectivity, compassion and care. KNOW WHEN TO SEEK A PROFESSIONAL Approximately 1 in 10 women will experience postpartum depression. Although a disappointing birth doesn't guarantee depression, unresolved emotions related to the birth could certainly contribute. If you or your partner have concerns, please do not hesitate to speak with your OBGYN or midwife. There are a number of wonderful supports to assist women experiencing PPD, as well as their partners. And lastly, if you felt unsupported during your pregnancy and/or labour, and didn't hire one previously, please consider researching and hiring a professional doula. Overall, women who receive continuous support are more likely to have spontaneous vaginal births and less likely to have any pain medication, epidurals, negative feelings about childbirth, vacuum or forceps-assisted births, and C-sections. A doula is an amazing asset for you and your partner. Love yourself and be gentle rebel mamas. |
AuthorRebel Mama. Free Spirit. Vulgar Dame. Adventurer. Wolf Queen. Outlaw. Archives
October 2016
Categories |